I recently attended a marriage seminar at our church that taught us how to discover our own personality, as well as learning about our mate’s. It was fun to see how the two of us are wired, how this plays out in our family relationships, and how we handle situations in life.
Near the end of the seminar, we were reminded of how our differences can bless our mate once we understand how to use our strengths to bless each other. The speaker was entertaining and gifted at showing all of us how we can work through most conflicts and events in our marriage, especially once we have determined before each other and before God that we are committed to each other–no matter what.
It was in the context of these moments he read a very touching story of a couple who had been married for 53 years. The husband was the president of a bible college at the time when his wife began to show signs of Alzheimer’s disease and her health began to deteriorate.
In a powerful testimony of his love for her, he decided to resign his position with the college so that he could take care of her constantly for the remainder of her life. His speech to his colleagues and the student body was very moving and conveyed his love and devotion for her.
Although I don’t know what book the speaker read from that day, I happened to run across this same story not long after this when I was looking at some video clips from a FamilyLife seminar. Dennis and Barbara Rainey were also very moved by this story and have allowed this recording to be shared with others.
As you watch this video clip, my prayer is that you will listen and ask yourself, “If my mate were to become seriously ill, would I be capable of making the same commitment and showing this type of devotion as Robertson McQuilkin had for his wife?” And if not, what would it take for you to be able to answer, “Yes?”
Research has shown that touch is extremely important to our health and sense of well being. It can relieve stress; it can make us happier than we might have been without it; and it’s an important element in nonverbal communication. Touch truly affects us physically, emotionally, and even spiritually.
In marriage, nonsexual touch and affection are critical elements for a strong and healthy relationship. It is a language that we speak to our spouse without having to exchange a single word, yet touch “speaks” volumes to our mate in a way that nothing else does.
Nonsexual touch is especially important to a woman. It helps her to feel close to her husband, making her feel cherished and valued. Touch stimulates the hormones in her brain that help her feel close to her man, and it reassures her that the marriage relationship is thriving.
What are some ways a husband and wife can express nonsexual touch to each other? Here is a short list to help you start your own:
Hug your mate. You can incorporate this into your daily lives by hugging each other goodbye in the morning and hello in the evening.
Sit next to each other. When your children are with you, place them on either side of you–not between you.
Take time to share a kiss with each other–just for the fun of it.
Cuddle or snuggle. You can enjoy this kind of close touching when you’re sitting on the couch or enjoying a sports event.
Massage your mate’s back, feet and shoulders. Not only will it feel good to them, but it will help relieve tension and stress.
Sit close to one another both privately and in public.
Hold hands with each other when you walk along and even when you pray together.
Allow your mate to rest in your lap while you gently brush or comb their hair.
Place your arm on the back of your wife’s chair next to you and gently touch her shoulder.
Walk arm in arm while walking down the street.
Help your wife out of the car by extending your hand to her.
Gently caress parts of your mate’s body, without expecting anything in return.
Shower or bathe together.
Physical closeness toward your mate is another important way of reinforcing the oneness God intended for married couples. It conveys to your partner that your feelings of love are still very much alive.
Your touch exhibits a loving and secure relationship to those that witness it, as if the two of you are saying to the world, “I value my spouse. I love and trust my mate. He/she is important to me.”
Near the end of the seminar, we were reminded of how our differences can bless our mate once we understand how to use our strengths to bless each other. The speaker was entertaining and gifted at showing all of us how we can work through most conflicts and events in our marriage, especially once we have determined before each other and before God that we are committed to each other–no matter what.
