Do Things Together As a Couple

I recently read a quote by Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr., author of His Needs Her Needs that said, “Spending recreational time with his wife is second only to sex for the typical husband.” That is quite a powerful statement and may come as a complete surprise to many women.

One of the big differences between men and women is in how they build emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy relates to those activities and interactions that bring us closer together on an emotional level, as opposed to something like sex, which is physical.

For a woman, emotional intimacy is deepened through things like cuddling, kissing, sharing dreams with her husband, and just talking. However, a man is quite different. For him, intimacy and connection with his wife are nurtured by doing things together. Whether it’s playing golf, gardening, going hunting, or shopping for cars together, these types of activities help him to feel closer to his wife.

While there is certainly times when a guy wants to do “guy things” together, a husband can feel drawn to his wife emotionally when the two of them share in an activity they both enjoy. Consider talking about activities you both are involved in or make a decision to begin sharing a new activity together soon.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, famous Christian psychologists and authors who specialize in marriage and relationships, state it like this in their book, The Love List: Eight Little Things that Make a Big Difference in Your Marriage:

Did you know that passion and intimacy plummet when a spouse associates his or her partner primarily with dirty clothes thoughtlessly dropped on the floor, barked out orders, crying, or nagging? No surprise, right? But so many couples ignore this fact. He plays golf with his buddies. She attends her book club with her friends. They both may keep plenty active, but these activities are too often segregated. And when that’s the case, couples miss out on a weekly habit that will buoy their marriage more than they ever imagined. Shared activity is one of the supreme gifts of married life, and it is an insurance policy against the fading of passion and intimacy. [1]

The goal is to try and find fun and relaxing things to do together. Too many marriages have been known to fizzle  out and die because a husband and wife didn’t understand the importance of doing things together as a couple.

Begin the process of doing things together by making a list. Use your creativity to comes up with activities you each would enjoy doing. Here are some ideas to help you get started:

1. Racquetball
2. Tennis
3. Gardening
4. Walking
5. Going to museums
6. Trips to bookstores
7. Woodworking
8. Skiing
9. Going to movies
10. Traveling

Once you have come up with several activities, talk about those which you believe would be your favorites, then schedule a time to start!

As you work your way through some of the activities on your list, realize some of them may prove to be duds while others may result in special memories. Try new things; be open to change; be sure to talk about your likes and dislikes; have fun.

The goal is to find things to do together that lift your spirits through pleasurable moments that will draw the two of you closer together–emotionally and physically!

Footnotes:

[1] Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, The Love List: Eight Little Things That Make a Big Difference in Your Marriage (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2002), 50.