Hopes, Dreams, and Expectations in Marriage (Part 4 of 4)

(This is the final part of a four-part series on “Hopes, Dreams and Expectations”)

There’s a book written by Dan Allender and Trempor Longman called, The Intimate Mystery, and in their book they say, “The goal of marriage is to reveal God.”[i] There is only one way to keep the attitude of “You don’t owe me anything” in your heart—to keep your “expectations box” empty—and that is to keep your focus on the One who said, “You don’t owe Me anything. I did all this out of love for you.” Allender and Longman say:

Marriage is a window into the coming kingdom of God. Marriage is meant to be a space, where the most holy and intimate God shows Himself as compelling and good. It is meant to work—not easy, not always, and not without His presence. Nonetheless, marriage is meant to be a relationship that shouts to the world: “He is glorious and good!”[ii]

This is the goal, and this is why each marriage in the church is so critical. In loving our spouse the way God intended, we model the love and reality of God to a watching world. It is, frankly, impossible without His grace and His Spirit in our lives. However, with His help, we are called to do an astonishing thing, and we can succeed!

When Jim and I teach together and share this idea, we like to pass out a small, unfinished wooden box to each couple. We give it to them as a tangible reminder. We share with couples that when they take their box home, we tell them to feel free to paint it, decorate it or leave it “as is.” The one thing we ask is that they leave it empty and set it some place where they can see it.

We encourage them to view it as a way of keeping their “expectations box” empty—a reminder to not say or think of their mate as owing them anything. Our task is to be God’s tangible reality in the life of our spouse—to love him, to love her, as Christ would if He were physically present.

I would encourage you to do the same.

[i] Dan B. Allender and Tremper Longman III, The Intimate Mystery (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2005), 20.

[ii] Allender and Longman, The Intimate Mystery, 25.