Ideas to Make Your Marriage Bed Sizzle

What is your attitude about sex? Do you think sex gets “old” as a marriage ages? Do you find yourself thinking that only newlyweds can be romantic? Are you bored with the sexual relationship with your husband? Is your lovemaking in a rut?

If you want to keep your marriage alive and exciting, you’ll need to put some time and energy into discovering new ways (and reviving some of the old favorites) for making your sexual relationship sizzle!

God has given you many intimate ways of sharing and expressing your love toward your mate. He has given you great freedom in your lovemaking. Let me share some ways to help you rekindling the passion in your marriage and sexual relationship.

One of the best places to learn how to go from fizzle to sizzle in the romance department is to look in the Bible! In Song of Solomon, there are numerous ways Solomon and his bride express their love for one another. They speak of their love; they fantasize about each other when they are apart; they look upon one another unashamedly, even when they have very little clothing on their bodies; and they incorporate all five senses into their lovemaking.

To begin the process of rekindling your sex life, provide yourselves with a safe and romantic setting. For many, this will be the bedroom. It should be a place that invites you in for some rest, relaxation, and passion. Be sure there is a lock on your door to give you privacy and security. Teach your children to respect your privacy. Even little ones can learn to knock on your door when it is closed.

Adding Sizzle Using Your Senses
Adding sizzle to your romance means being creative and bringing new “treats” to your intimacy. Take a moment and think about your five senses. What are some ways you could feature them during lovemaking? Which one is your favorite? Which one is your spouse’s favorite?

Not everything listed below will appeal to you. If you are more inhibited than your husband, some of these ideas might be a “stretch” for you. What’s important is for the two of you to explore together, be open to discussing what you want, and allow yourselves the freedom to share and try new things. Your openness and willingness to take a risk can be a special gift you give to one another as you work together to spice up your love life.

SIGHT. Sight is important to both of you, although your husband tends to be stimulated more by sight than you.

• Experiment with different degrees of lighting. Your husband may want bright lights so he can see your body, whereas you may prefer soft candlelight, allowing you to hide some of your imperfections! This is an issue for compromise.
• Try taking turns from one lovemaking session to the next. Using different degrees of lighting can keep your surroundings interesting and fun.
• Mirrors can be an exciting way to add visual interest. Whether you view one another dancing, playing, or simply resting in each other’s embrace, mirrors can add a whole new dimension to your lovemaking.
• Color is another important factor. Whether it’s the colors you use to decorate your bedroom, the sheets you sleep on, or the nightie you wear, color always adds visual interest and creates different moods.
• Intimate clothing is a fun way to heat things up in your bedroom. It provides endless possibilities for fun and excitement. Consider buying a feather boa, some garters, black hosiery, red boxer shorts, bathrobes, lingerie, tank tops, and teddies. Your choice of clothing isn’t only what you wear, but how you choose to wear it––and take it off!

SMELL. Your sense of smell is very powerful and directly connected to your mind. A certain scent can mentally take you back to events and places you’ve experienced in the past.

• Include scents such as candles, perfumes, scented lotions, and even massage oils into your lovemaking. These add sensual pleasures to your love life. If strong odors bother either of you, consider mild fragrances like almond or vanilla.
• Smells are very powerful; they can arouse you unexpectedly–like smelling your husband’s cologne while you’re shopping at the mall.
• Discuss with each other how you feel about your mate’s body smells. This will affect how you prepare for times of intimacy. If a clean, freshly showered body is your preference, be sure to let your mate know. If hot and sweaty turns you on, then yard work may suddenly become a new favorite!

HEARING. Setting the mood with sounds like music and words can be incredibly fun and erotic.

• Slow, soft, romantic music that includes words of love and commitment can help express your feelings for each other. Fast, playful music can encourage you to have fun and feel child-like in your sexual play.
• God wired your husband to be turned on sexually by what he sees. However, a man is also turned on by what he hears. He really enjoys hearing your pleasure. Lovemaking is not the time to be as “quiet as a church mouse.” Give yourself permission to speak during sex and purposely turn up your volume. Learning how to take advantage of sexy talking and uninhibited sounds can arouse your mate a lot. Here’s a key thought by Kevin Leman from his book, Making Sense of the Men in Your Life:

Silence is not golden, at least not in bed…Sound goes beyond words, of course.
Let your husband hear your pleasure. If you know it’s pleasing him, there’s nothing wrong with adding a little volume… [E]xcite him by deliberately using your voice.[1]

TOUCH. This is an area that lends itself to so many different possibilities. You can touch your mate with your hand, feet, and mouth. In addition, touch allows you to experience many different sensations like heat, cold, rough, and smooth. Here are some ways to use your sense of touch during times of intimacy:

• Try using textures like feathers, satin, silk, and fur. These bring variety to your sense of touch.
• Ice cubes in sensitive areas can bring new sensations. Warming oils that get warmer on your skin when you blow on them can be quite sensuous. Different temperatures keep it interesting.
• Learning how to give a great massage to your partner can be smoothing and relaxing. It can arouse both of you as you explore each other’s body with your hands.
• Touching each other with different parts of our body can also be erotic as you each enjoy the sensations. You can use your tongue, your fingertips, your toes, your _________ (you fill in the blank!). Because your bodies are wonderfully sensitive to touch, God has enabled you incredible ways of enjoying each other.

TASTE. Your mouth, tongue, and lips are full of nerve endings, and are very effective in raising your sense of arousal.

• Taste allows you to experience food with pleasure. Having a quiet dinner by soft candlelight and music can set the stage for love. Many times this scene will happen in public, and anticipation can build as you speak words of love while you dine.
• In the privacy of your home, a quiet dinner by candlelight and music can be enjoyed in a whole different way.
• Try putting some of your favorite foods on your mate’s body. Then take your time as you both enjoy the delicacies and the atmosphere. Feeding each other can add spice and fun to your time together.
• Nowadays, there are many different flavored massage oils and body paints that can be used in your lovemaking. Not only do they taste good; they also create sensations that can be quite erotic.

God has created our bodies with such love and possibilities for loving each other. Talk and experiment with one another as you express your love to one another through your senses. They are truly a gift from Him.

(This article is an excerpt from A Wife’s Invitation to Intimacy, written by Vickie Sloderbeck. Click on the title to learn more about this helpful resource and ordering instructions.)

Footnotes:

[1] Kevin Leman, Making Sense of the Men in Your Life: What Makes Them Tick, What Ticks You Off, and How to Live in Harmony (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2000), 160–161.