Make Your Bedroom an Engedi

Experts that study marriage say our home is often the worst place to find romance because of all the distractions.[1] Does your home feel like this sometimes? Ideally, you want to create a place in your home where you and your spouse and enjoy a place of refuge with peace and quiet–a sanctuary of sorts.

In a book entitled, Intimacy Ignited, the authors describe a place in the Bible where David would run to for refuge and safety in the middle of the desert when ever he was trying to escape the wrath of King Saul. This sanctuary was known as Engedi.

Engedi was an oasis in the midst of a very dry land. Beautiful plants, various wild life, and fresh, clean water were plentiful. Even today, Engedi is an amazing contrast to the desert that surrounds it.

I really like what this image brings to mind and the atmosphere we would want to achieve in our homes, so for the remainder of this article, let’s refer to our bedrooms as “Engedi.”

Start by imaging what an oasis and sanctuary would be like in your home. What comes to your mind? What does this special place look like? Did you picture a secluded cabin in the woods? Was it a deserted beach?

Now ask yourself these questions:

• Why do these places “feel” so special?
• Why do they seem so “perfect” for lovemaking?

When we speak of making our bedrooms an Engedi, we are talking about trying to make them feel like a place we seek out–like a sanctuary. When we speak of a sanctuary, words like “retreat, oasis, a hideout,” and “safe shelter” come to mind.

Your Engedi should create a setting where you and your spouse feel relaxed and peaceful. It should actually be the most beautiful room in your home which will often become your favorite room as well.

In a book entitled, Intimate Issues, authors Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus say, “Walk into your bedroom and take a long look. Is it a place set for passionate love? If not, set the stage.”[2]

One of the activities I enjoy sharing with my students in my class on sex and intimacy in marriage is to as them several questions about the state of their “Engedi”:

• Is your bedroom a space that welcomes you?
• Is it clean and organized?
• Is it attractive and pleasing to look at?
• Is it a creative setting for your lovemaking?
• Is it a private, secure, and romantic hideaway?
• Is it a sanctuary for the king and queen of your home?

It always gets them thinking about this important space in their home–often for the first time from the point of view of taking the time and effort to make their bedrooms beautiful.

If you are reading this article with your spouse, or plan to discuss this idea with them, consider discussing this question: If you could snap your fingers and change anything about your bedroom, what would it be, and why? This usually begins a conversation between the two of you that can be enlightening, as well as productive with positive changes.

Maybe your Engedi needs a little work. Whatever you do, don’t let your Engedi frustrate you–simply decide to make some changes a little bit at a time and it can become what the two of you want and even enjoy doing together. Even if you both love the way your bedroom looks right now, you might read something here that inspires you to make some subtle changes–you know, those little things that can make Engedi even more special, now or in the future.

To begin, make sure Engedi ministers to your senses. God created us with the wonderful sense of seeing, tasting, hearing, touching, and smelling. Try to keep these in mind as you evaluate the following aspects of your bedroom.

1. Privacy. Make sure there’s a lock on your bedroom door and use it! Feeling secure during your lovemaking is critical for any woman. Safety from intruders (even small, friendly one) is at the top of a wife’s list in feeling relaxed!

2. Eliminate noises outside the bedroom. If you are easily distracted by noises outside your bedroom during lovemaking, you can try these tips:

• Run a floor fan or sound machine in your room to block out noises
• Play or turn up some music so you don’t hear noises outside your door

3. Have different types of lighting. Different forms of lighting will not only enhance your lovemaking, but can create a relaxing atmosphere.

• Consider plugging your lamps into dimmer switches, and replacing regular wall switches with these as well.
• Purchase small table lamps and use low-wattage bulbs
• Place strands of white Christmas-tree lights in artificial plants or trees if you use these as decorations in your bedroom
• Candlelight is very romantic; however, if you are sensitive to smells, purchase unscented ones or those with gentle fragrances like vanilla or almond

4. Make this space beautiful. Your mood can be greatly enhanced by what you see.

• Purchase a beautiful bed covering for your bed. Your bed takes up a large percentage of the space in your room, so make sure it is something you both enjoy looking at. (And be sure to make your bed every morning as well. “Make your bed–make your day” really pays off here.)
• Buy attractive curtains or shades for your windows
• Pillows can add a great deal of visual interest to a room. They also offer comfort and uniqueness to your times of lovemaking as props

5. Focus on your sense of hearing. Sounds like:

• Your favorite relaxing and romantic CDs playing can make your stress level from the day’s activities come down tremendously
• A small bubbling fountain trickling in the background can bring soothing and relaxing results

6. Enhance your sexual desire through smell. Try some of these ideas:

• Scented linen sprays you both enjoy
• Scented candles
• Ask your husband to wear your favorite after-shave lotion
• Buy your wife a favorite cologne that reminds you of her

I distinctly remember how this whole concept about Engedi first impacted me. Through my studies on sex and intimacy in marriage, I began to understand just how important Engedi is in my relationship with Jim. I tend to be a very practical person and I’m not very extravagant. However, I had underestimated how important it was to make our bedroom a place that was both beautiful and inviting to both of us.

The light bulb went off for me several years ago after I finished reading Intimate Issues. Literally, the next weekend I went shopping so I could beautify, and “sexify” our bedroom to make it more inviting and relaxing. It has proven to be some of the best money, and time, I’ve ever spent!

7. Train your children to respect your privacy. Teach your children to knock on your bedroom door before entering. Even a toddler can learn to do this. This reminds them that this is a special place for mom and dad. After all, it’s not their playroom.

Jim and I both want to encourage the two of you to brainstorm some ideas on how you, too, can improve your Engedi as you share ideas for giving it a well-deserved makeover and/or facelift!

(This article is an excerpt from the Couple’s Workbook for a Bible study on Song of Solomon entitled, Passionate Partnership: A Couple’s Invitation to Intimacy.

Footnotes:

[1] Lorilee Craker, We Should Do This More Often: A Parents’ Guide to Romance, Passion, and Other Pre-Child Activities You Vaguely Recall (Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press, 2005), 43.

[2] Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex (Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press, 1999), 223.

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