Romance for Married Couples (Part 1)

Romance. It’s a word we hear often, yet what exactly do people mean when they speak about it, and what exactly do women want when they ask for it. While a husband may think of it as being in the same ballpark as sex, women don’t usually equate it with sex at all.[1]

Men are often intimidated by the whole idea of romance because they’re not quite sure what it looks like or how to provide this for their wife. Yet, at the same time, it is a need for a wife because it makes her feel special and helps her know her husband cares about her. Here’s an explanation from psychologist and family counselor, Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family:

For centuries, women have been admonished to meet their husbands’ sexual needs—or else. Every female alive knows that the masculine appetite for sex demands gratification, one way or the other. But a woman’s need for emotional fulfillment is just as pressing and urgent as the physiological requirement for sexual release in the male. Both can be stymied, but at an enormous cost! And as such, it is as unfortunate for a man to ignore his wife’s need for romantic love as it is for her to foreclose on his sexual appetite.[2]

If romance is this important to a wife, then let’s dig deeper into this topic. For starters, let’s begin with a definition of romance. If you simply consult a dictionary, you’ll find the meaning for romance defined as, “a love affair; an ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; another word for love.” However, this explanation doesn’t quite seem to make its meaning very clear.

Try these definitions and see if they help:

Romance is the bridge between love and sex.[3]

Romance is, after all, like a friendship that has been set on fire.[4]

Love is a feeling; romance is love in action. Romance is something you do to express the love that you feel. How do you do that? The key is to know your [mate.][5]

Now, that’s much better, don’t you think? Romance is the “spice” that makes our marriage more than just being roommates. It is a purposeful act of the will to intentionally woo and focus on one another. Why, to be romantic with your mate is one of life’s greatest experiences!

Romance evokes powerful emotions. When God created us, He designed the human race to be the only species to enjoy romantic feelings toward the opposite sex. If only humans can experience this, then He must have intended it as a gift to us.

Romance draws a man and a woman together in a way that nothing else can do. It creates feelings that usually go beyond words and can only be expressed by one heart speaking to the other. Romance is a gift to be cherished and something we should intentionally pursue when we suspect it is happening before marriage, and  create moments when it can flourish once we are married.

As your marriage has matured and grown, deepened and changed, you will find that your acts of love toward your mate will have evolved as well. If romance isn’t quite what you want it to be right now, study things about your mate that makes them feel appreciated, adored, and love.

And most likely over time, you’ll begin to see an increase in the romance of your marriage.

(This article is written by Jim and Vickie Sloderbeck and is taken from the Couple’s Workbook for a Bible study on Song of Solomon entitled, Passionate Partnership: A Couple’s Invitation to Intimacy.)

Footnotes:

[1] Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg, The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women: Discover the Secrets to Great Sex in a Godly Marriage (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2006), 121.

[2] James Dobson, “Why Do Women Need Romance More Than Men?” Viewed online at http://www.family.org/married/romance/a0009660.cfm on 8.16.06.

[3] Rosberg and Rosberg, The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women, 122.

[4] Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Rekindling the Romance: Loving the Love of Your Life (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishing, Inc., 2004), 220.

[5] Rosberg and Rosberg, The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women, 123.