Two Important Facts About Sexual Arousal in Women

Two Important Facts about a Woman's Sexual Arousal

When you consider how God made us different sexually as husbands and wives, have you ever wondered, “What was God thinking?” When He created us so differently, and then asked us to become one, it makes me believe that God must have a sense of humor.

In the area of sexual arousal, there are two particular areas a couple will be forced to deal with in their relationship–time and distractions. A woman is wired almost completely opposite of her husband in these two areas.

When it comes to sexual arousal, a woman needs time in order for her body to respond sexually to her mate’s advances; however, a man is usually able to be aroused and even reach climax in a matter of minutes.

Here’s a good rule to help put this in perspective: the next time your husband wants to have a quickie, pay attention to how long it takes him to reach a climax. Once you know this number, place a zero after it. This is a pretty accurate figure for how long it takes the wife to reach orgasm.

If a couple isn’t aware that it is normal for the wife to take as much as ten times longer to become fully aroused, there can be tension, impatience, and a feeling of failure in the sexual relationship. Knowing that a woman requires more time than her husband allows both partners in the couple to cooperate with her body.

Then there’s the matter of privacy. Dr. Kevin Leman (a Christian psychologist, famous author and speaker for marriage and family relationships) shares in his book, Sheet Music how his wife has “the half-mile rule.” He says when they are having a sexual encounter, she doesn’t want anything that might distract her within a half-mile of where they are. Funny, but definitely true for most women.**

Because of how women are wired, they are aware of most things going on around them. Even in intimate moments, it is difficult for her to turn her “antennae” off. This is why a woman will often hear noises her husband does not and why it can be difficult for her to remain focused and “in the moment.”

Her need for privacy is huge in order for her to feel safe. She simply will have trouble relaxing and “getting in the mood” if she has to worry that the two of you will wake the baby or that your parents will hear you from the next room. Privacy is a very necessary ingredient for her in order for her to be able to relax and reach a climax.

To illustrate these two aspects of the sexual relationship, I thought you would enjoy this short video clip from a FamilyLife workshop.

While the two of you may have struggled with the issue of time and privacy in your sexual relationship, it’s always comforting to know that you aren’t the only ones.

**Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage is a book I thoroughly enjoyed reading. It had a great deal of helpful information and ideas for married couples. The first four chapters are written for couples preparing to be married and Dr. Leman provides them with knowledge of how their future mate is wired and designed.

This book also dispels myths about sex and contains many ideas a couple could incorporate into their lovemaking. I believe you’ll find the chapter entitled, “33 Flavors” to be a real eyeopener!

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