Your Husband Is Not a Woman!

Ladies, what kind of expectations do you have for your husband?

• Do you expect him to be able to read your mind?
• Do you think he should just know what you want or need from him without asking?
• Do you think you shouldn’t have to ask him more than once to do something?

I don’t know about you, but sometimes when I’m honest with myself, I find myself being rather unrealistic about what I expect from my husband.

Recently, I was teaching An Invitation to Intimacy to a group of married women and we were talking about a comment I heard a speaker from a marriage conferences state. He said that whenever a woman is asked to describe “the perfect man,” she will invariably describe another woman! This is so true, isn’t it?

In all honesty, I think this is exactly what I often do. Since I’m a woman and don’t think like a man, I can find myself believing that my husband should think like me. I think there is a natural tendency for us as women to do this to our men. Then when they don’t measure up, we can become irritated and short tempered because they just don’t “get it.”

There is a fascinating book entitled, His Brain Her Brain by Walt and Barbara Larimore which discusses how our divinely designed differences can actually strengthen our marriages. It is full of documented studies, showing how our brains as men and women are so different, beginning with the 6th week of gestation.

Because Walt Larimore is a physician, he brings authority to his writing of the medical evidence presented in this book. I thoroughly enjoyed learning more about the differences between men and women, and especially appreciated learning how the medical community is admitting and sharing the facts of how God created us “male and female.” I often find myself reciting this statement: Our differences are supposed to fascinate and complete us as a couple–not frustrate us.

Being married to my man for 36 years now has been incredibly fulfilling, yet there have also been challenges. And truthfully, most of our times of tension, disagreement, and frustration have been when I was unrealistic in what I expected from him. I’ll admit this is something I’m still working on.

In closing, I came across an interesting thought that I have been pondering recently. I believe it will help you as well.

It comes from a preacher/speaker named Mark Gungor who is someone I thoroughly enjoy reading and listening to. In an email tip I received, he stated that as women, we often hold our husbands to a higher standard than we do God!

Wow! Really? How so?

He says that as women, we can find ourselves expecting our husbands to do things without being asked….(true!)….and if we have asked them to do something, we don’t expect to have to ask them more than once……(Okay. Your point?)…….

Well, here it is: Whenever we want something from God, we have to ask Him, even though He already knows what we want! Humm………

And even though He already knows what we want, Jesus instructed us to be persistent in our prayers, by asking more than once! Ouch!…..

Yep! Guilty as charged! Man, there are times I just expect Jim to read my mind, maybe even like God does, which I know intellectually is impossible. And when I do this, it means I am holding Jim to a higher standard than I do God because I expect him to know what I want without asking more than once. Very convicting!

So, I guess the bottom line for me is this–If God expects me to ask Him more than once for the things I want and need, then it’s only fair to lovingly and patiently make my requests known to my husband……..even if it takes more than once!

How about you? Are your expectations for your husband unrealistic? If so, remember–he’s not a woman!